It's like God shit irony all over that family
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
