Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize