ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
