The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
