If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
