Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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