i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
