I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
