She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
