He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
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