I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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