Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
