a queef is a wish your heart makes.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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