I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
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