i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Randomize
