obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize