if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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