We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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