Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
