We won't sleep together?
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize