im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
where are my eyebrows?
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