the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
