i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
