i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
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