Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
two words...techno handjob
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
