Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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