She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
