I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
