he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Randomize
