She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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