I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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