My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Randomize
