i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
tell your sister to shave her snatch
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize