I hate all girls vehemently.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize