I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
He shit in the fireplace
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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