omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
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