Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Randomize
