DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
