i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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