Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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