I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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