Can i not drive my cunt home
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize