I'm laying in your front yard are you home
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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