If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
