FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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