i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
