Have you finally orgasmed yet?
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
