you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
