YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
