he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
