Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
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