You're a womanizer and a bitch.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
try to milk me bitch
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
