Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
