Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
