Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
