I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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