If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
