I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
