At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Randomize