Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
