Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
