Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
