I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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