Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
You took a bar mat shot.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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