the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
