I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
